Jerry’s Life-Long Valentine
He walked into the hospital ward where I worked everyday at 2pm sharp. Whenever hospital staff saw his smiling, cheerful face we knew that visiting hours had begun and that Jerry was here to see his wife Sadie. He never missed a day and he always gave us a friendly wink as he passed the nurses’ station and shuffled down the long corridor to his wife’s small room at the end of the hall.

Jerry’s wife suffered from advanced Alzheimer’s disease and was no longer able to walk or communicate. Both in their 70s, Sadie and Jerry had been married 50-some years but Sadie no longer recognized Jerry as he greeted her each day with a warm kiss on the cheek. Their daily visits consisted of long “walks” up and down the hospital corridors; Jerry pushing the squeaky wheelchair while Sadie stared blankly at those they passed. Jerry carried on a non-stop monologue as they walked, describing in vivid detail everything that had happened since his last visit and enthusiastically pointing out the sunshine streaming through the hospital windows or the colorful new nurses’ uniforms.

Those who were witness to these daily visits couldn’t help but smile at Jerry’s enthusiasm and energy but many made comments like, “Why does he bother coming everyday? She doesn’t even recognize him, “or “Why doesn’t he move on to a new relationship with someone who will love him in return?” Despite these negative remarks however, a careful observer could tell that Jerry didn’t buy any of it – from the twinkle in his eye and the grin on his face you could tell that he was there because he enjoyed every minute that he spent with Sadie, the Love Of His Life.

What was Jerry’s secret for remaining committed to Sadie even after the usual “benefits” of relationship had long faded away? What kept that spark of affection glowing bright in his heart after so many years of marriage? Here are four things that I observed in Jerry that might be some of the keys to long-lasting relationships like theirs:
Enthusiasm – no matter what came his way in life, Jerry remained optimistic. Despite the pain and disappointment of his wife’s illness he never became cynical or bitter and continued to be hopeful.
Other-centeredness – Jerry was focused on others and not himself. His cheerfulness and his love for his wife were natural extensions of his giving heart. He took care of himself but he took more joy in caring for other people regardless of how they responded.
Perseverance – Jerry and Sadie had some good years and some bad years but they stuck it out together. Raised in a generation which didn’t believe in divorce they found ways of weathering the challenges of life together and this made them stronger individuals and a stronger couple.
Forgiveness – Jerry didn’t take it personally when Sadie didn’t want to visit with him or was indifferent to the flowers he often brought. Jerry’s grace and patience made it obvious that he and Sadie had nurtured a relationship which was largely free of the blaming and self-protection common to troubled relationships.

Are these four elements the magic elixir which is guaranteed to make every relationship last? Perhaps not but they sure worked for Jerry and Sadie and research has supported that similar qualities are common in lasting relationships. Those of us who want a love that lasts 50 years may want to give them a try.

For almost 25 years Menomonie-based Aurora Community Services has been helping individuals live healthy, empowered, and enthusiastic lives. Through in-home care for seniors, community counseling services, and programs for the disabled, Aurora helps individuals from all walks of life to live the life they choose.


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