How to Have a Family Conversation About Aging Parents
Older adults are living longer and healthier lives than ever before but sooner or later most families have to make some decisions regarding how to provide long-term care for an aging parent or two. For some families, these decisions can be made fairly easily because everyone involved is able to talk through the situation and arrive at a consensus. However many families struggle with these decisions because there may be parent-child or sibling disagreements about what is needed and what makes sense to do.

It’s important to acknowledge up front that these types of decisions tend to push the buttons of everyone involved. Aging parents are facing issues of mortality and potential loss of independence and their children are grappling with the idea of now caring for their parents instead of being cared for. Sibling rivalries may also arise or be reignited and this can make it difficult to have calm and productive discussions.

Here are some tips for how families can successfully discuss long term care issues:
Don’t put it off – ignoring or postponing the discussion won’t make the issues go away so face the issues squarely and pursue solutions. Don’t wait until a crisis forces you to make hasty decisions.
Include the older adult in the discussion – many children make the mistake of planning a “solution” themselves and then springing it on their parents. This can frustrate and anger the parents who may feel disrespected and afraid of being “put away”. Obviously there are some cases in which the parent can’t or won’t be a part of the discussion but this should be the exception and not the rule.
Initiate discussions in the right way – if you want to discuss a care issue with a parent or another family member plan what you’ll say ahead of time and choose the right place and time. You might introduce the topic by saying something like, “Mom, I’ve noticed that it’s getting tough for you to keep the house up by yourself and I’d like to help. Can we talk about this a bit?” or “I’m concerned that Dad is getting kind of forgetful; can we talk about this and figure out what Dad might need?”
Don’t get derailed by the emotions - you may struggle with your own emotions and other involved family members may also become emotional. Anger, fear, and frustration are common and natural emotions to experience when planning for a parents’ care but ignore the temptation to drop the issue because you’re uncomfortable with the emotions being expressed. Enlist the help of a professional counselor if needed to help your family sort through the situation objectively.
Explore the options - local organizations which serve the senior population can be very helpful to families who are trying to arrange supports for an aging parent. These organizations can talk about options for in-home supports which allow the aging senior to continue to live in their own home – the option which most seniors prefer.

Through the innovative service Age of Tomorrow, Menomonie-based Aurora Community Services has a unique solution for individuals who are considering long-term care options. The idea behind Age of Tomorrow is simple – the best way to provide long-term care and to most effectively manage long-term care dollars is to care for seniors in their own homes. Providing in-home care makes the most sense financially while allowing the older adult to remain in familiar and comfortable surroundings.

By working closely with Aurora’s Certified Care Managers and Registered Nurses, families participate in the creation of an affordable Care Plan custom-tailored to meet the needs of themselves or their aging parent. Since each individual is one-of-a kind, the Care Plan for each individual will be unique and will focus on providing whatever is needed to ensure their safety, independence, and dignity. The comprehensive Care Plan can include not only simple things like the addition of bathtub grab bars or wheelchair ramps but also the services of medical and nursing professionals to help with medication management, explanations of diagnoses, or personal care. Regardless of the need Aurora’s skilled professionals will provide the resources which meet the individual’s unique requirements.

Aurora has almost 25 years experience providing high quality community based services to families and individuals. Their services help ensure that aging seniors and vulnerable adults receive excellent professional care and support while providing families with the peace of mind that their loved one is receiving dignified and expert care.


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